I know there are so many different parenting styles, and truthfully, I haven’t really read up on any of them! There are so many proven methods and strategies and routines but I just feel like my daughter is so unique and individual that I’m just winging this parenting thing based on what she needs.
We got pretty lucky in the child department, Reagan is easily the most low-key, drama-free, easy going toddler I’ve ever met. Her one quirk though is her sensitivity. She’s incredibly shy and nervous especially when it comes to trying new things. Her feelings get hurt easily and she’s frequently (already) the target of bullies on the playground because she won’t stand up for herself. Since she is so well behaved and well intentioned, this combination that makes up her personality has led me to pretty much let her dictate how she wants things to go.
Not saying she is in charge or runs the house or anything, but she gets to do things the way she wants in the timing that she wants because I know she isn’t taking advantage of me. Whenever we’re going about our day, I ask her questions and give her options on everything – would she rather eat this or that? Does she want to play in this room or that one? Does she want to go to the park now or later? Letting her choose how her day goes and what time she does things gives her the feeling of security and being in control while still getting everything done that we need to.
I’ve discovered that when I put her in uncomfortable situations or I try to make her do things on a schedule I’ve predetermined, she shuts down and becomes very introverted and nervous. She becomes super attached to me and is visibly different in how she interacts with other people and situations. I still try to get her to go out of her comfort zone, but I’ve started letting her decide when and how much she wants to do that. This gradual easing into things has been a much more successful tactic in getting her to open up and be more comfortable around other people.
The one downside of this is that she tends to be slower at developing new skills. Not to the point where she is behind the curve, but she definitely started crawling and walking later than a lot of kids, and she will probably be a little slower to do things like learn how to swim or be independent on the playground. I am 100% fine with this! She is such a sweet girl and while I know that eventually she will need to toughen up and go out on her own, I want to keep her sweet for as long as I can. I don’t mind being her advocate and protector and keeping her sheltered for a little bit longer.
How do you feel about this? How do your toddlers respond to the way you parent them? I’m always needing to learn new things and would love to hear your parenting styles!
I feel the same way about my 2 year old. Rarely do I read posts that are so supportive and loving of their child, and letting them be the way they want. I’ve learned that with mine as well, I need to give her what she wants when she wants it. (I don’t really follow this rule with food though). It’s not that I’m spoiling her, it’s that she has this intense need for something and by giving it to her I am calming her down by letting her express herself through this ‘need’. For example, it was late and it was bedtime, “time for bedtime!”, but she had an intense need to build a pillow fort. I tried to be one of those rule, time schedule moms and force her to her bedroom, but she starting freaking out and crying hysterically. So, to stop the crying I said we could build it together and she could play in it, but after I finished cleaning up the dinner table then she had to go to bed..and then, that was that. There was no more crying that night, she didn’t play that long either, and the rest of the night was peaceful. Moms tend to think that by not setting these arbitrary rules and schedules they will be spoiling their child, but really, we’re not really seeing what the child sees and is thinking, we are not seeing the world through the childs eyes. That’s why it’s so hard for us to give in, because we are only thinking about ourselves. But really, toddlers are explorers and are challenging themselves and discovering how their bodies move and what they can do. And we need to see the world through their eyes and try to support them. Anyways, this was a long comment.
I have quickly learned the importance of giving my toddler choices instead of choosing everything for him. My son is a helper so I also give him opportunities to help with things even if they aren’t done as quickly as I would do them myself. You’re doing great Mama!
Author
I love the idea of giving them ways to help, accomplishing tasks can make them feel so important and valued! Thanks for sharing mama ❤️