Why We’re Waiting to Have Another Baby

I kind of hinted at this in my post last week about weaning Elliott, but for the first time in four years I am finally 100% myself again. Meaning a portion of my body isn’t dedicated to sustaining the life of one of my children. It’s been a long time since I’ve had the freedom to leave the house without worrying about being home in time to breastfeed. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to workout consistently without pregnancy modifications or breastfeeding pains. And I am really enjoying the prospect of just being myself for a while! Which leads me to this point…

We’re SO not ready to have another baby yet! And that’s fine!

When I got married I thought I wanted a big family, like at least four or five kids! I grew up in a big family and the reunions were always so fun, I wanted that for my personal family too.

As my friends started having kids, I noticed a trend. A lot of them would have two kids pretty close together (15-24 months apart) and then waaaaaiiiiiit. I never understood why you wouldn’t just have them all close together, my siblings and I were all 2-3 years apart and I just thought that was normal. When we started having kids, I thought I’d just be pregnant/nursing for 10 years straight and that would be my entire life for a while.

After having Reagan, my husband and I both agreed that we would realistically want just 2 more kids, and we’d like to have them back to back to just get it out of the way and be done having kids. This seemed like a good plan until I got pregnant with Elliott.

When Reagan turned one I had a very strong desire to start trying for another baby. We had a great routine, she slept through the night and I was confident I could handle another baby! Being pregnant with a toddler was incredibly difficult, and I was so sick that I struggled to just get through most days.

Throughout the entire pregnancy I swore I could not do this again, and we were going to have to deal with only having two kids. I knew that I still wanted three, but the thought of going through a difficult pregnancy with two toddlers was overwhelming. Things didn’t necessarily get better after giving birth…

I was not in the least bit prepared for how difficult it was to have two kids under two while working part time and living halfway across the country away from any family. I was exhausted in every sense of the word, and my entire day was focused literally on just keeping the tiny humans alive. Things got better as Elliott started sleeping more and I started working less, but one year later I still don’t feel like I have the confidence and routine that I had when Reagan was the only child.

I want so badly  to want to have another baby. In my perfect world I would have another one next summer so all of my kids would be exactly two years apart, and then I would be done!

But I just don’t want it. I’m still exhausted, still trying to find balance with my husband’s crazy school schedule, and not totally confident in my ability to solidly parent two kids. The thought of being pregnant again actually terrifies me, and when I used to get excited about a growing baby bump and cute little newborn features I now panic instead.

So we’re going to wait a little bit! I would love to start trying for another baby next summer, but we will have to see how things look for our family then. I don’t feel done having kids yet, so I’m hoping I can get my husband on board for one more but we’re relying on faith and prayers to let us know when that right time will be.

Just remember that what other people are doing or how they are building their family isn’t always the best decision for you and your family. I love seeing other moms totally rock having three kids in three years, but now I know that isn’t something I could handle! And just because we’re going to wait and reconsider next year, doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be an awesome mom to Irish twins! Do what’s best for your family, and don’t let others dictate that for you.

All that being said, here are some pictures from Elliott’s birth. Just to balance this post out a little 😉

Photos by Honest Abel Photography in San Antonio, TX